I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
