I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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