So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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