I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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