no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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