Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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