OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
