Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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