can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
