textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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