When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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