Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Text me some of your sweat
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize