Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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