So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
