3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
