Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
