My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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