You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
