I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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