last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
