This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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