We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
