if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am puke
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
