i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
