my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
