I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
