you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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