Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want is dick and wine.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
