Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
