Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
