Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize