you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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