My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
