Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
