totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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