I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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