Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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