So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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