i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
