My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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