My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
