She's JV to your varsity
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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