There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
