I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
