Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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