I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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