we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
