That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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