Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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