I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
