i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
