i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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