Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
