i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize