he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
