uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
