singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
