Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
