i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
