just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
