lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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