Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
