he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
