I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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