Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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