Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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