What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
