his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
