Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
