I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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