woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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