Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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