I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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