Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
