I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize