i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
