The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
