me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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