we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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