He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
