Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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