I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
