Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
