Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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