she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
