can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In America we eat man semen.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
