i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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