Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
