She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
