Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
