Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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