I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think my fart just growled at me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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