You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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