They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize