you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
