Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
