I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
