dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
