i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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