A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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