A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
