i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
