so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
