So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
