I must be too annoying 4 u.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
