He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
