What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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