a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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