I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
