Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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