could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
