sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
