Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
