apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
